Well I cant sleep,  its only 2:55 am. I just have that not going to sleep soon feeling.

I took 150mg of trazadone, 5mg of klonopin

Drank a beer than went out to drink more.   Bad idea I was achy, restless, and edgy.  Drank 4 beers

Things are not too bad minor w/d.  I was laying in my bed for the last 2 hours tossing and turning.  Constantly stretching and a dry heave,  Nothing that is new to me but it still sucks.  I am praying things start to turn for the better as I dont want to keep taking these benzos.  I finally said fuck it and switched on my light so I could stumble out of my room easier, nope the fucking thing burns out, zap.  So went downstairs made  a cup of Red Zinger tea and got stoned,  it sure is a quiet night.  I wish it was summer so I could hop on my mountain bike and go lay down on a hill and watch the stars, it might make me feel more human than this ill fated robot I feel like,  So yeah.

Now I decided to write on here to well do something.  Plus I always like the click of the keys on the laptop while sitting in the dark, soothing somewhat.

I feel ok for like 1/2 hour than like shitty achy fish-out-of-water.  I think I think about it too much but its hard not too.  I definitely have been thinging how nice a bag of H would be, and how easy…. too easy.  I hate this shit.  Feeling like jello plastic that is uncomfortable.  I could probably try to relax and get some sleep but those thoughts that pop in and out of my head drive me to not sleep.  It only seems when I can divide those thoughts, forget about them and than boom I am in a zen like pre sleep.  GOD I hope tomorrow is better.

Well I… fuck computer just shut down outta the blue, I got stressed and I can chalk up another 4mg of kpin down the hatch.  Thank god wordpress saces enteries like every 30 seconds.  So I think I am going to listen to Peter Gabriel – Secret World, I love that cd.  Feel like shit/feel ok.  Fuck at least I am not in the throngs of H w/d dry heaving green foam and just praying to god for it to stop so I can catch my breath.  I got nothing else.

Peace,

Seedless