Well I cant sleep, its only 2:55 am. I just have that not going to sleep soon feeling.
I took 150mg of trazadone, 5mg of klonopin
Drank a beer than went out to drink more. Bad idea I was achy, restless, and edgy. Drank 4 beers
Things are not too bad minor w/d. I was laying in my bed for the last 2 hours tossing and turning. Constantly stretching and a dry heave, Nothing that is new to me but it still sucks. I am praying things start to turn for the better as I dont want to keep taking these benzos. I finally said fuck it and switched on my light so I could stumble out of my room easier, nope the fucking thing burns out, zap. So went downstairs made a cup of Red Zinger tea and got stoned, it sure is a quiet night. I wish it was summer so I could hop on my mountain bike and go lay down on a hill and watch the stars, it might make me feel more human than this ill fated robot I feel like, So yeah.
Now I decided to write on here to well do something. Plus I always like the click of the keys on the laptop while sitting in the dark, soothing somewhat.
I feel ok for like 1/2 hour than like shitty achy fish-out-of-water. I think I think about it too much but its hard not too. I definitely have been thinging how nice a bag of H would be, and how easy…. too easy. I hate this shit. Feeling like jello plastic that is uncomfortable. I could probably try to relax and get some sleep but those thoughts that pop in and out of my head drive me to not sleep. It only seems when I can divide those thoughts, forget about them and than boom I am in a zen like pre sleep. GOD I hope tomorrow is better.
Well I… fuck computer just shut down outta the blue, I got stressed and I can chalk up another 4mg of kpin down the hatch. Thank god wordpress saces enteries like every 30 seconds. So I think I am going to listen to Peter Gabriel – Secret World, I love that cd. Feel like shit/feel ok. Fuck at least I am not in the throngs of H w/d dry heaving green foam and just praying to god for it to stop so I can catch my breath. I got nothing else.
Peace,
Seedless
May 5, 2011 at 2:35 pm
I’m there w/u. 2 days no sleep, can’t shut my head off. . Laying here watching my man play ps2. Trying to keep my hot fflashrs at bay_thats my sign to grip the carpet ,put my head in the bucket & dry heave while praying for it to stop or die(not REALLY-i want to live a normal life,i.e. Not sick or dependant on a drug …)I’m on methadone now & I hate it! I’d rather be H sick, but this is the only thing I’ve found since starting that keeps me
form using a needle. Anyways, nice to know im not alone in hell. My man is doesn’t use. We hooked up like that. Hes ben trying 2 help me but I dont know…? I’ve given uop love B4 not 2 b sick. U reach a point were u dont care anymore-i just want to be able function outside my home,ya know? Hope u made it….we junkies have a 16%-20% successful rrecovey…