Commenter: Mescalito Date Posted: 12-07-2003 at 19:38
no offense, just feel like asking you a question. It seems all your behaviour reeks of attempts to run from pain or emotion? Or from life in general. Why do you want to drown yourself in alcohol, fuck chicks you dont know, bang H, and take Suboxone to sleep? What are you running from because how can you face life if your emotions are all blunted by a smokescreen of chemicals and pleasures.

I know everyone is different in life and you are free to live how you please, but do you realize that living in the way you describe will always end in emptiness and sadness? What do you think would happen if you started eating healthy, exercising, cleaned your house, read some books, met girls in a different environment, and believed in yourself and faced life head on. Perhaps youd have a committed wife who wouldn’t cheat on your, youd save a lot of money, you could provide for those you love, or learn to.
Don’t let life get you down man, maybe im wrong but you sound depressed!
Peace out man.

Commenter: blahblahblah Date Posted: 16-07-2003 at 15:57
your right i am deppressed, and an addict. i dont work i just drown myself in a haze of khemikals. Why? lol I wish I knew.

Commenter: phactor Date Posted: 02-10-2003 at 17:20
I love the dead I was raised on them by my parents. I don’t excatly want to puke on joan osborne…. she is a little better then Donna IMO. I was at Bonnaroo when she did there first show with her.

Commenter: trippinspirals Date Posted: 28-12-2003 at 16:41
i like this entry

welcome to my world

Commenter: TJ Date Posted: 22-02-2004 at 10:38
Am wondering how long you’ve been an addict like me? Funny how I look through other people’s journals that use like us, yet they still seem to want to get laid. Dunno, just that after 11 years of using, my sex drive went to shit for the most part. Guess I’m kind of amazed most people still have any interest at all in sex, unless they are in their “infancy” stage of using still….

Commenter: phactor Date Posted: 15-04-2004 at 18:51
Hope you had fun at the game, even though I’m a Sox fan heh I may just have to swallow my pride someday and actually set foot inside Wrigley…

good luck with getting off Suboxone as well

Commenter: blahblahblah Date Posted: 21-04-2004 at 17:03
thanks… Sox rip as well… but I am partial to the Northside rather than the Southside. Allthough the best dope to be had is on the southside a 3 minute walk from Sox stadium (what ever the new mane is i forget)

Commenter: SPUNK Date Posted: 28-04-2004 at 17:08
I really like your writing blahblahblah. you seem like a cool dude, with many of the same problems that I have myself.

Commenter: dreamgirlie19 Date Posted: 05-05-2004 at 23:05
i thought this was gonna be about wendys.

duh, its wednesday…

lol

Commenter: phactor Date Posted: 10-05-2004 at 19:05
Yeah my mom’s side of the family are all from bridgeport/Caneryville (were Irish) so I was raised on the sox.

But my number one team is and always will be da bears

oh yeah it US Cellular Field but I’ll always call it Comisky

Commenter: Taliana Date Posted: 21-06-2004 at 23:46
Good luck, but please, play safely.

“Don’t gain the world and lose your soul.
Wisdom is better than silver and gold.” – Zion Tran

Commenter: on the road Date Posted: 12-07-2004 at 14:44
hey, really sorry to hear about your dad. hopefully this is bringing you closer to him…

ugh, its hard to read your posts, makes me sad, or melancholy maybe…i miss the summer nights on my porch with you and while I want to be happy that you’re having a great summer…..I cant help but feel……….well, i guess it doesnt really matter….

❤ DnkHrb

Commenter: blahblahblah Date Posted: 09-09-2004 at 18:40
oh dont be sad ali, I do miss summer nights on your porch also, you should get in touch with me sometime and maybee we can waste a Autumn afternoon in the sun and than drink the night away…

Commenter: TJ Date Posted: 13-09-2004 at 01:15
Funny you should say that your gf is a nurse that’s driving you crazy and that you want independence. I happen to be a nurse, I like to shoot, but am on a dry spell for a bit. I’m scheduling my meth binges ahead of time so I don’t get into trouble, take time off work, but let them know in advance. I too, have the same problem though. I’ve been straight for 5 weeks, but straight or not, I’ve given up on boyfriends. The conventional type relationship too confining 4 me 2. I don’t want someone bitching at me, where i’ve been, where I go, fuck it.

Commenter: TJ Date Posted: 20-10-2004 at 22:21
Blah! How much (rough estimate) would you say you have spent on dope or anything for that matter in your life? How much money have your parents spent to raise you? 2 mil, 5 hundred grand, 10 trillion? LOL. Even at the lowest estimate, is proof right there that your life is NOT worthless! Cheers.

Commenter: Finder Date Posted: 25-11-2004 at 02:58
Mr. Blotto? I didn’t know you were from Chicago!

Commenter: alostlittlebird Date Posted: 26-12-2004 at 03:52
I wish I could visit you so we could just nod out on the floor and celebrate humbug style.

Don’t get too bitter. Life can be a long, curel joke. But laughing is what makes it funny. Lol that sounded so lame even as I’m high as a kite.

Edited by alostlittlebird on 12-26-2004 10:53 (CET)

Commenter: TJ Date Posted: 29-12-2004 at 22:14
I concur with the above. I’ve got the same problem babes, only time just goes sooo fast on meth instead on slomo when ur on a smack induced nod. In fact work was the highlight on the x-mas season. Didn’t do presents, or the relative thing, just wasn’t in the mood. Roommate gave me 1 day notice w/o paying rent and how i’m gonna come up with $1060 by Jan instead of $500, is anybodie’s guess. I look at this as a sort of forced break from using. Gonna laugh at life while I’m using for now. It fuckin helps to laugh at urself when ur a mess. Cheers & hugs babe, if I could I’d salute with u as I boot up off what going to be the last of my stash 4 a few weeks at least. We’ll work through this shit somehow you’ll see.

Commenter: TJ Date Posted: 08-01-2005 at 22:47
You probably don’t want to hear this, but DAMN you have no idea how lucky you are to have parents that will support you, your education, your lodging. If you feel you’re inclined toward a degree in literature, go for it. Hindsight, I know I would. I could of got my folks to cough up the dough for my education at 18 or 19, but I didn’t, ever since I’ve had to pay my own way, if I can’t oh well guess my ass is out on concrete. Just a thought, get it while you can…

Commenter: blahblahblah Date Posted: 09-01-2005 at 15:47
My thoughts exactly…

Commenter: TJ Date Posted: 13-01-2005 at 18:08
This might help or it might not, but I’ll impart this bit of information on to you anyway. I’ve been friends with Dave, a friend I’ve had since we were both 16, which is 24 years already. I was allowed to live at home until age 24, when I graduated from college, that I had to pay for, cause at age 18-19-20, all I wanted to do was work full time and fuck off partying. Well at 24, I DID feel a HUGE acomplishment once I graduated, and also it enabled me to find full time work that actually paid me enough money to go out and live on my own, whereas before at $5.75 an hour, that wasn’t remotely possible. Yes I admit, there have been times when I look at Dave and think man how much easier I’d have it if I were in his position. To think, never have to worry about rent, electric, food, hell his dad pays for everything and he’s a married man with 1 child and 3 step children! His wife works full time, they live in a house given to them by Dave’s dad. Dave’s 7 y/o old son, the one he and his wife had together brings in some $$$ once in a while, as he stars in lots of TV commercials, sitcoms, ect and as Jordan’s dad, Dave gets to keep 10% as his agent, well he and his wife I should say. Ok so Dave and I have watched each other go through our struggles, each one of us unhappy for different reasons. Dave is now 39 years old, just out of the hospital cause for the longest time all he ever did was lay on the couch gettin fatter and fatter, so now he is stuck with diabetes, had a stroke, and a cholesterol count of over 800 which is NOT good. I’m happy to say, Dave has his diabetes under control, he’s now eating healthier, not being a couch potato as much, and excercising some. I told him dude you’re too young to die, don’t you even think about clocking out on me. But I look at him sometimes and feel sad cause he sees himself as useless. If he at least had a skill that was worth even some $$ at computers or whatever, he’d probably be feeling alot better about himself. Just a thought….

Commenter: on the road Date Posted: 15-01-2005 at 12:44
YOU started a fight??? I’m sorry but that made me laugh a litte. I’m SO glad you’re dad is being chill with you.

Commenter: @lterEgo Date Posted: 18-01-2005 at 19:30
let me know when you find out where that italian deli is in real life and we’ll have lunch together

Commenter: wanderer21 Date Posted: 26-01-2005 at 22:35
don’t use that shit! stay away and fight it off! be strobger than the dope

Commenter: TJ Date Posted: 28-01-2005 at 12:16
It’s scary as hell when you’ve been away from work for so long or not at all. It gets easier though. You’ll do fine.

Commenter: banksy Date Posted: 04-02-2005 at 19:52
You got yourselve a little bucket of trickds there, I am curious, do you get a painful liver, kidneys or anthing else internally that a wide range of pharmacuitical chalky meds could be cause after moderate to sustained administration. The external factors will bounce of internal conflict and desire.
Your a good man

Commenter: on the road Date Posted: 05-02-2005 at 13:57
holy shit thats a lot of drugs

Commenter: spork Date Posted: 08-02-2005 at 13:48
*hugs*

I think you should go to art school. If you are really interested in the subject and have the desire to learn more, everything will work itself out.

Commenter: TJ Date Posted: 08-02-2005 at 23:43
Yeah I have that same book myself. LOL. Some of the expressions sound silly & trite, but there is the grain of truth 2 b extracted from them…

Commenter: wanderer21 Date Posted: 10-02-2005 at 21:46
enjoy yourself!

Commenter: TJ Date Posted: 11-02-2005 at 03:54
I feel ya bro.

Commenter: blahblahblah Date Posted: 11-02-2005 at 16:44
not real liver kidney pains I had a liver/kidney enzyme test [or what ever they call it, brain is not working today] about 6 months ago all was well (or at least mostly well)

Edited by blahblahblah on 02-11-2005 11:47 (CET)

Commenter: spork Date Posted: 11-02-2005 at 20:58

I’m wishing the best for you.

Commenter: paradoxcycle Date Posted: 12-02-2005 at 06:39
Blah, I’m here if you want to talk. I am sending good thoughts your way; be strong and know that people do care about you.

Commenter: TJ Date Posted: 15-02-2005 at 22:58
Dude I feel ur pain. Though age & genders r different, we seem 2 b experiencing less than ideal versions of our respective realities. I feel so beat up, kicked 2 the curb myself, but several friends/meth head associates in the local “meth heads R Us” stratosphere have told me, “Ur 40 yrs old, uve managed ur own place for 2 yrs, uve been through many crisis b4, we’ve seen u work through them….ur doing something rite, ul c urself thru this one!” These comments mind u r all from fiends 40,50,60+ yrs with years of experience seeing all types….perhaps they r rite. If they r rite bout me, than what they said 2 me, sure as shit can be true 4 u + uve got the god of YOUTH on ur side 4 now. Youth & beauty seem 2 b America’s #1 values. Sigh. 4 what it’s worth, i’m willing 2 listen anytime i’m on yahoo “punker_xx” i am pullin 4 u ok. *hugs*

Commenter: Shucklak Date Posted: 16-02-2005 at 00:55
stay strong blah

Commenter: on the road Date Posted: 16-02-2005 at 18:15
I love you andy…

I say a prayer for you everyday.

*HUG*

Edited by on the road on 02-17-2005 01:16 (CET)

Commenter: on the road Date Posted: 16-02-2005 at 20:45
Grow some weed-that will make you more than happy!!!!!

Commenter: blahblahblah Date Posted: 21-02-2005 at 17:50
Still gotta wait till april/may for outdoor, no indoor for me ATM.

thanks guys

Commenter: AmorRoark Date Posted: 22-02-2005 at 16:01
I don’t think your life is boring.

I like reading about it… I hope things come together for you

Commenter: TJ Date Posted: 23-02-2005 at 08:35
How old are you now blah? Ur profile (I think) indicated 19 or so….or I’ve got Alzheimer’s & 2 lazy 2 look now. In any case u said in some post ud been using since age 13…if ur say 24 or so now, the decline in sex drive after 10 yrs of using semi consitently at least to daily habit is consisten with the pattern of many users (myself included) for meth, opiate & heavy drinkers. Many Methadonians told me although they can function, that after a while, drive is minimal. Joey once off opiates for 23 years (CHRIST) and off 4 1/2 months wouldn’t stop talking about his dick. I’ll put you among the prayer circle along with myself and the rest of the addict family.

Commenter: blahblahblah Date Posted: 23-02-2005 at 14:57
28

Commenter: BlueAdonis Date Posted: 02-03-2005 at 19:42
Some of those big ol Caddys run fast as fuck. I remember seeing some stock Devilles and STSs run mid-14 second quarter mile runs at the local track.

Commenter: blahblahblah Date Posted: 02-03-2005 at 19:59
yea they can peel rubber at a stoplight

Commenter: banksy Date Posted: 02-03-2005 at 20:12
not a car man you got me on the smack

Commenter: nickyj Date Posted: 02-03-2005 at 21:18
Nice car

Good work getting your shit sorted, keep it up! No more drug driving

Commenter: bong420tripper Date Posted: 02-03-2005 at 21:18
you know if you need someone to drive your car for you while you shoot up i would volunteer for such a position in return for cadillac key bumps

Commenter: dreamgirlie19 Date Posted: 03-03-2005 at 18:57
Quote:
I sound like such a snobby fucked up spoiled brat, I know, you dont hav to tell me. People have it much worse than me but drug addiction is all the same it wreaks havoc

you do NOT sound that way at all actually.

if you need someone to talk to, IM me…I wouldnt mind. I lived with my mother who was a hardcore heroin addict for a few years and then went with other drug choices as well. I have been through a lot by seeing it happen in front of me. I know more about NA than I ever need to as well. Anyways…feel free to IM like I said

Commenter: TJ Date Posted: 03-03-2005 at 22:26
I feel your pain. IM me anytime you wanna talk. hugs babe

Commenter: plug in baby Date Posted: 04-03-2005 at 03:14
Cheer up. Put on some good music and relax. Take your new car for a nice long drive.

Take care of yourself!

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