Well its been awhile since I wrote on here.

Things are going good, I guess.  Still clean off opiates and benzos for about year and four months.  It feels so good not to have to be dependant on something.  The main thing I keep asking myself is why did I wait so long?  Who knows.  Not me.  Well its summer, I havent been doing much at all.  Not working, have had a g/f for awhile, waiting to register for classes.  Which is another story onto itself that I wont get into right now.

I have been drinking a little and smoking.  The girl is a good girl, kinda the straight arrow type.  She knows about all the drug use but didn’t question me too hard.  I just really emphasized ‘pill addiction’ and ‘opiate addiction’ and I never brought up heroin or needles.  That is a bit to much.  I did say if I told her everything she probably wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.  So she doesn’t ask.  I don’t know about the relationship though.  Shes beautiful and great but I don’t know.  I am totally holding back.

No urges cravings to use heroin.  I still have drug dreams [mainly iv coke/heroin] quite frequently but I am used to that.  I stopped going to NA meetings maybe 5 months ago.  I just felt like I was repeating myself and I kept hearing a voice in my head tell me if I keep going to these meetings and emmersing yourself in a sick environment your going to stay sick.  Not a real voice mind you but just knowing.  Most of those people claim they are getting better but I just saw alot of ppl complaining and sick.  It definitely helped out in the begining though.

I could ramble on forever I am sure but I am tired and need some rest.