June 2006

Well I am camping at Starved Rock, with a group of people from this Alonon Club I go to, first day outta three.  Just went hiking on the trails, rock hunting [favorite pastime of mine I am a big collector of rocks mainly quartz, and rare’ish stones].  There is just something about quartz crystal, that mankind has not fully unlocked yet, the use of them in radio transistors is an interesting aspect but just the tip of the iceberg.  God, I sound like a geek, lol.  Do you think I give a fuck?  Well, let me tell ya fuck no I dont give a fuck.  My stomache is starting to growl.  Time to go back to the campsite and grill some brats and read my new issue of Juxtapoze, than stoke the fire, probably will be up all night.  I hear there is a local Strip Club a couple guys and I might check out, thats always fun and a money well spent, pfft…  You never know though I have had some crazy things happen at stripclubs that you wouldnt think would happen.  You would dream and wish for them to happen but when you want it to it doesnt happen.  Who knows maybe lightning will strike tonight.  The Wheel is spinning and it wont slow down, if the thunder dont getcha the lightning will.  No body better of raided my tent and took my meds suppy [I am with a bunch of recovering addicts, ha] GOD would I be pissed!!!  There well hidden I knew I should have boughten a new lockbox.

Starved Rock is about 2-3 hrs. west of Chicago lots of big bluffs and limestone cliffs and what not, its nice to get away from the madness at home people seem to be dropping like flies.  The other week I think there were 3-5 deaths [not all heroin related], none even Fentanyl related.  Which is taking Chicago by storm, its all over its going to be a killer summer LITERALLY.  My buprenorphine doctor just attended a confrence where the topic was the source of where the illicit Fent. is coming from basically the consensus is a few ‘underground Mexiacan labratories’ when I say ‘underground I mean ‘underground’.  Its strang that its hiting chicago and the east so hard as the mexican cartels usually run with the west-cost drug lords.  Rationalizing it most likely because its Fentanyl aka /slang China White and they dont move much white dope out west.  Its crazy how the heroin market is controlled, by the politicians and the links to the underworld, the bottom line money. 

I was keeping track of all the documented Fentanyl OD in Chicago but its just to much everyday there is some thing new about it.  Just recently 20 people died in one day outside Detroit, MI.  I sense that the have some what ‘recipe for disastor’ as it seems they are not using just pure fentanyl as it tends to be a mix of heroin and fentanyl so the high sticks around and doesnt wear off quick like your normal fent. high or else they are using some active cuts that prolong the high. 

Well off to go camping rough in it time, back to the woods and off the internet. lol Later have a good weekend all. 


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WHat is going on with my posting on JL?  Had a nice post typed out than BOOM gone those are the java script WARNINGs here are some more

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What is this seedless/sp-admin/includes shit…?

Lost a nice post

Been keeping buzy, I get off Electronic Home Monitoring tomorrow!!! I AM FREE.  Cant wait.  Alot of crazy shit has been going on recently a good friend who I have know for 15ísh yrs. died and passed away from a heroin OD, Friday evening.  Fucked up situation as they left his on a park bench to die, didnt bother stopping at a hospital or calling 911 to afraid to violate there parole and probation.  Its was all on the Chicago news my friends that well I dont really call them friends these days but aquaintences are shaking in there boots worried about them slapping the contributing to a OD death manslaughter charge that has been getting some use of recently in the Chicago land area.  Stoopid fuckers.  I am emotionaless over the whole even t as ususal.  God, selfish people.  Oh they didnt mind robbing him off the 500& cash and couple bundles of dope and rock he had on him before they carried his lifeless body out of the car.  Thats what happened IMO, there stories are all over the place.  Go Figure…

As for me I am doing great, clean from everything but my phamies and what not for shit 5 maybee 6 months or so, I feel the best I have felt in my Life EVER.  I just hope I can keep up this demeanor after I get off Home monitoring [Tomorrow Baby!!!] I feel pretty strong some friends wanted to throw a big party for me but I put the nix on it becuase I ‘know what will happen”.  Planning on a camping trip here next weekend, CANT WAIT!!!.  There have been alot of deaths around me lately 4-5 in the last week or so.  Sucks.  God Bless um.

Seedless reporting in…  I got a damn virus that I cant get off my computer thats been fucking up my posting schedule.  I think I have it narrowed down to something with IE Branding, and I have had a ew weird expiences on here where I wont name names but when I pull up my page and check the source coding and than accidently click history Boom somebody page from JL is on there.  Not to mention my mail was being routed to mud.yahoo for ahwile when I mentioned it on here it changed.  hmmm  LEAVE ME ALONE, fuck, get a life.

Ill leave this post on a good note hope everyone is doing good and is happy, the first day of summer officially starts Wends. I am so excited to be free from home monitoring I cant even express it in words I could if I tried but I dont feel like it.  Just a quick check up be back soon with some good stories.



Old blu fluff blotter
sweating Day-Glo green in the city streets
heart thumping and hands shaking, pupils shaped like saucers from the sky
Come on, take a walk around the corner and into the alley with me.  Wanna get high?
indoor?  outdoor?
F1 hybrids, tied to grow horizontal.  OVERGRO

The speed has me geeky and the crack isn’t helpin,  I need a nice 1/4 gram shot
Of snow white heaven, the devils dandruff, smack-jack-dont-look-back
??? Heroin residue
eye-lids flutter as I enter the solar sphere
??? Crystal Clear
I collect crystals, colors and prisms, dreams and expectations and drop of rain
slither into the shade, ride the snake,

Vandalize everything you own [or pawn for all I care]
beyond the infinite, magnetic guardian angel awaits smoking a corn-cob pipe legs crossed,
Children of the night, Bible of dreams, Insects, Luna-tic

Prescriptions, pills, powders, and liquids.  Psychoactive is the skeleton key, peer thru the lock.
Whatcha got in your pocket?  A fucking bag of pot, pffft. 
Mother I need cash, no checks please
I am innocent Officer, I swear to the uplift the mofo party plan god…
Disconnect my connections
Program my appliances to puke for me
Its all gonna come to be you just watch and see
Kick your feet up and eat some vanilla ice cream [3 round scoops] drizzled with Cherry Nyquil
Ramblings of an O.G. [original glue sniffa]
Partnership for a drug free America.

America the beautiful, the evening mist hangs low and I am stocked on mental, physical, and material inventory.
Test Tube astral glow
cokaine fumes ???
put it together is it a strange invitation
Who are you?

Hi-Jack’d flavors of traquilized community service
hot glass residue, blisters upon your fingers, savage dog, foaming at the mouth
Metadate CD, USP
Glossed dreams varnished in a clear shiney coat, that you can see you refletions of your dreams off the souce of imagination
I got cobwebs on my shoes
I feel so alone and blue
crimson, white, and the indigo
Iin the name of the father, son, and the holy spirit,  I pleadge allegance, Dear lord, what have we done?
500lbs bombs fall from the sky, some wish to die. 
Nothing is true, Everything is imaginable.

In the land of the Brave
and the home of the free
I dont care about anyone except for me
Done The Damage and Needle.  The Beast, Spiritualized Fat Old Sun
A-Polar Ice
AA1-Polar Secret
AA2-Polar Head

Maximum potential, hurricane sound checks, I hear the quickining
Picasso Moon, Fractal flame,
Blazing lace filling every frame
Dark Angel now just dont start…
You’ll break my spirit, wreck my heart
You must have a license for practicin that art’
I dont presume to imagine.

Its was one of those sick summer mornings.  While flip-flopping in bed I was watching the digital clock out of the corner of my eye, 3:53, 4:03, 4:15, fuck it I am going.  I rumage thru my dope chest and pull out some fresh needles and the last 20$ I have.  I really should wait a few hours untill I can be re-up’d on my cash but I cant wait.  The aches and insane body tremors, lock my body in cortorted positions, I wanna die.  I pop some more valium to ‘help’ try and take the edge off for the ride to cop.  Its early 4:30am, I will be right on time for the early morning sales, the time you usually see ppl in suits rolling up to cop enough dope to get them thru there day.  I am sick, I only shot my last bag about 18hrs ago but my habit is large at the moment and this $20 will put the monkey back in his cage for a few hours untill I can grab some more cash and actually ‘try’ to get high, ha.

I tease myself with thoughts of those brief few seconds as I push the plunger down and the instant relief washes over me, ahh man.  I zip thru the building early morning rush hour, a robot programmed for destruction.  Cicero Ave. I pull off make a few turns, FUCK my normal spot isnt out yet.  Oh well I’ll go hit one of my 20 or so back-up ‘normal’ spots.  A few blocks later I round the corner ‘Rocks-Blows’ echo off the run-down houses.  The spotter tells me pull up halfway up the block.  2 blows, boom deal is done.

I round the corner pull into a abandoned parking lot and dump my bags into a upturned pop can, squirt it down with water, add a little flame to the bottom, cotton, suck up and inject.  Hands shaking the whole time, fuck where is the rush?  MOTHERFUCKERS!  God-damn it I cant believe those punk ass bitch fucking ****** ripped me off.  FUCK what to do?  What to do?  Think Seedless think?  My mother isnt up yet she wont Western Union me money down here this early, I could go panhandle for a quick 20 to get my sick off, naw I am too sick I cant even move, fuck it they ripped me off I am going to go rip off another spot.

I round the same corner and the guy yells the same thing ‘Rocks-Blows’, I roll down my window and say Blows?  Your selling bullshit I just spent 20 bux on crap, I want my fucking money back.  He replies well we have the REAL blows now, well what the fuck motherfucker, you didnt have them 3 minutes ago.  I hold my rage in and tell them I want 2 more.  I grab a crumpled up dollar bill from my center councel of my Jeep and fold it over so its just and inch or two wide.  I crack my window 4 inches or so and some old cracked out lady selling the blows runs to my window puts the blows in my hand and grabs the money.  I punch the accelerator.  I hear her yelling behind me, motherfucker ripped me off fucking this fucking that.  Fuck her is what I think to myself I quickly open the bags as I am driving and taste with my finger.  Yup real dope, thank god.  Now this particular spot I was at is all one-way streets and dead-ends so I have to loop around on the next block and drive right back by the spot I just ripped off.  As I do a heard of 4-6 young kids start to run at my car throwing rocks and bottles, I hear a bottle smash against my brand new Jeep Cherokee, I could careless I got my dope fuck um.

I drive away and as I am opening the bags and filling my needle with water I see a late model typical beater start to speed-up and follow me.  This guy is on top of my back bumper motherfuck they musta had a guy waiting in his car for rip-off’s like me.  Shit.  I speed up and blow stop signs with no care in the world except to get this heroin in my arm.  Snort it ha, yeah right.  I get out of the neighborhoods and onto the busy streets this motherfucker is still on my ass.  I hit a red light, no way am I stopping.  Who knows what this crazy ass will do to me?  I lurch my car around the ppl waiting at the redlight and pull a left hand turn into oncoming traffic.  A few brakes gets slammed and I hear a few honks, I lost him I think to myself as I quickly get onto the expressway.

I dump my dope out into my can and squirt the dope down with water, glancing into my rearview mirror I see the motherfucking car speeding down on me with no stopping, FUCK.  Soon we are going about 90mph and I am forced to try and balance my cooker filled with my liquid savior and drive while thinking what the fuck should I do.  The one time I wish I could find a cop, I am truly scared at this point my heart is beating out of my chest.  If this guy bothered to follow me out of the ghetto all the way out onto the expressway wtf does he want?  Blood?  Thinking quick I enter the middle lane of 3, I am coming up to an off ramp soon this guy is on my tail so close he is starting to bump me.  Here goes nothing.

As the enterance ramp gets closer I ready myself making sure I wont lose to much dope I drop a cotton in the heroin solution to suck some of it up.  At the last possible second I whip the wheel to the left cutting across the fast lane and onto the off-ramp.  One hand on the wheel the other precociously balancing my dope cooker.  The speed I was going made me almost crash into the barrier wall, I whip the wheel the other direction and fishtail up the off ramp.  Fucking A, my heart is just beating like I just shot a half gram of coke.  I look in my mirror no sign of him behind me but I wouldnt doubt he will get off at the next street and circle back.

I quickly pull off into a gas station suck up the dope and slam the needle home.  Ahhh now thats what I am talking about, bliss, numbness, those few fleeting seconds I live for I feel my body get replenished cell by cell as the heroin washes thru my system.  Fucking jesus christ was that a nightmare.  I have ripped off spots plenty of times before and never had anything like that happen.  Oh well fuck it I am not sick, but I am far from well.

Quickly I pull a U-turn and get back onto the expressway only to return home and grab the 50$ dollars left for me on the counter.  I am back in the ghetto scoring an hour later.  I make one more run later that evening for a friend and stock up for myself so I wont have another morning like that morning tomorrow.   Those morning happened all the motherfucking time.  I could never hold onto my heroin if I had a gram at 9pm I would tell myself just one shot and I will save the rest for morning.  2am would come along and I would wake up face first on the carpet with barely a wake-up shot left.  I dont miss those days for anything, specifically that day.