December 2005


Old Blue Fluff
I am sweating DayGlow
laminate your face and paste it up into the sky
F1 hybrids
facedown…
???heroin residue ([lack off?]opiated nightmares)
entering the solar sphere
crystal clear???

Orange
dust particles
slo-dancing
with the air current [current air or stale smore spirals]
worn wooden floor
soft broken-in brown leather
Argon gas sealed windows
fractured beams
hidden behind shading leaf

a dull ache
uneasy
medicate
15 minutes
try to relax

Corn – cob – stalk
powder dirt
Orange-Reddish tint in the dusty sun sinking below
Harvest Moon
hazy, lazy
Recrosses legs on the old rocking chair, tan juciey thighs against a a backdrop of white, peeling paint, an old tatered rail of a well worn rocking chair.

Aquatic layer
water-proof plants
refract the noon days light
scattering the prism
came up thru the lillypads
backyard fish
Orange

tea-cup molded
metallic in-lay
warm ceramic
spicy…
Orange (zest)

Pack yer pipe
unwind, unbutton your top button
loosen your tie[s]…

HPS/MH electronic sun
Kloned happiness
with a dash of hash plant
spliff star. organic backwards minty, marley beats aROAMa
Smoke it…

tick-tick-tick
pizioluminescent
White to light blue crystals
‘the businessman’s lunch’ , DMwhaT…?

Hijacked flavors of plastic smoke
test-tube astral glow
Crimson, white, and the Indigo
stars shining bright
I pledge allegiance…
I float here in outerspace
watching it all unfold
the faces go fading by
the stars blurred into the black night.


Independent dealers that certified
Urban take over
Zip-Lok 
Blue sealed by Green and Yellow, Pink lemonade [a sweating glass]

In the land of the Brave
and the home of the free
patterned psychedelic habituations
Pottawatomie Indians
living, in a layer of outdoors, organic
Ancient arrowheads, flint, click, click, light.
star gods

The bursting skyline
flakey
dark globe

In my room I laze, flip thru ‘Better Homes and Gardens’ magazine
picture of a cross-strictched apple pie
I smell it thru the burning leaves
over the shouts of the little league baseball game
Hustler fold-out
sex in the morning due
beer canned aluminium.  cold

red – Cross
white – Powder
blue – Morphine IR’s

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R.I.P. Colleen

Another struck down.  Left behind a blue eyed baby boy.  Motherless child left to fend for himself in this fuct-up world.

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My mind is blank yet reeling with the illusions of narcotic needs.

illl illl illl

Its 4:53am and propped up in bed staring out my window into the black winter sky.  The twinkling of stars thru the tree branches takes my mind off the thoughts that return to plague me every couple of minutes.  I try to to shut my eyes but within seconds they spring back open in my head race thoughts and memories of nothing other than using heroin as random images pop-up unstoppable.  The clock is staring me back in the face, taunting me.  Moving in the unmistakable dope fiend time, slow as molasses seconds are hours.  I squeeze my eyes shut tight and try to think of anything but dope but my mind has a different idea…

Tattered images skip thru my head…

I am in some rehab laying in a hospital bed playing around with the remote controls elevating my feet.  Feverishly watching the clock waiting till 9pm strikes as thats the time I receive my nightly medicine when suddenly I am hear yelling and a commotion out in the hallway.  Stumbling out of my room I pull on a hoody and as soon as I step out I know somethings not right.  A twinge of electricity shoots up my spine launching a flood of goosebumps across my body freezing me and standing hairs on end.  This is the first real feeling I have felt in years as I have became absolutely numb to emotions.  Out in the hall I see 2 nurses frantically shoving there key into a locked bathroom door.  My head pans slowly back towards the nurse station where the 3rd nurse is screaming into the telephone, "CODE BLUE, CODE BLUE".  A couple male attendants dressed in the typical green hospital garb slide around the corner, feet slipping for traction on the linoleum.  They get the door open and pull Christian out of the bathtub.  Water is overflowing out onto the floor.  He is a light shade of blue and has a needle still hanging out of his arm which gets knocked out leaving a small trail of red trickling down his arm, the only sign of life.  They lay him flat on the floor and start CPR beating there fists into his 18 yr old frail frame.  I am transfixed as pandemonium unravels.

"Everybody back in their rooms…NOW!"

I hear the fear in the middle aged nurses voice as it cracks.  Looking down the hall towards the girls section my eyes catch the eyes of Julie a patient that has been in here with me for 3 weeks now.  I can see the tears welling up in her eyes just waiting to overflow like a Rocky Mountain creek in spring.

I shot the shit with Christian earlier this evening as he just got checked in a few hours previous to this.  A skinny skateboarder type, good kid, although young and troubled.  He was still loaded after checking-in and I tried to hit him up and see if he brought a stash in rehab with him [grasping at straws] he countered my statement by telling me he shot the rest of it before coming here.  Sure buddy.  I say a prayer for him as I stand in the doorway of my room and wonder if it was accidental or did he do it on purpose?

I get back into bed and pull my headphones and push play on an old Van Morrison CD hoping to drown out the noise…

WHOOSH…

Back to present day time on the clock reads 4:59am as I flip on to my stomach and pull a pillow over my head trying to block out any more memories of the ‘Old days’.  With a blink of my eyes I am launched into another spiraling tangent…

"Get outta the car" yells the young dealer.

I run up to the building with a fist full of bills and quickly dash behind the heavy steel door which doesn’t quite shut.  Flurries of snow are blown thru the crack bringing with it the icy cold chicago wind.

"You not a cop right" he asks me for the 2nd or 3rd time…

No I reassure him I just want some dope I am sick.  Looking me in the eyes he pulls out a strip of heroin, 12 small ziplok baggies with a red devil holding a pitchfork emblazoned on each one.  The baggies are sandwiched inbetween 2 pieces of clear packing tape to prevent tapering.  I hand him a hundred dollars and run back to my car.  Quickly I stash the dope in a safe spot to ensure that in the event I got pulled over on the way out by one of CPD (Chicago Police Dept.) finest the dope would not be found.

Driving down Independence Blvd. heading towards the expressway I rip a tin can in half slicing the tip of my finger in the process.  I set the bottom half of the can on my lap and throw the rest out the window.  Turning the corner driving with my knees I fill up a needle from a bottle of water I set that down as I try to merge into traffiK.

Pulling out the heroin as I bring the car up to speed I dump the bright white fluffy powder from 2 of the bags into the can.  Squirt water, lighter, shake it, shake it, shake it Sugaree.  The aluminium can conducts heat quickly and I carefully juggle the can in my hand as it cools.  In goes the cotton, dark brown water fills the syringe which ensures the dope is good.

Bracing the wheel with my knees I wrap the seatbelt around my arm like a madman hoping a vein will pop as it is hard to see at night.  The underside of my forearm is the lucky spot as I fumble with the rig trying to get some blood to register while pulling the plunger back.  Bingo, down goes the plunger.  I pull out the needle licking the dribble of blood and unwrap the seatbelt just in time to put both hands on the steering wheel as I feel the first hint of the rush starting to snowball in the center of my chest as it quickly floods my body.  For a brief handful of seconds I am in heaven and nothing remotely matters.  I chase this feeling multiple times a day trying to prolong it.  Lighting up a smoke I adjust the radio and sigh with relief, mmmmmmmm…

BAM…

Flip-flopping in my bed the clock reads 5:03.  Fuck, why am I tormented with these thoughts I am medicated and I really don’t want to use today but if I cant fall asleep and cant change my thought patterns I KNOW I will be in my car with-in the hour driving to get a fix.

I cant control myself…

I have nothing to prove, nothing to lose [except my life] but that hardly matters to me as I am just a shell of a person propelled by some unexplainable force.

Images of old friends and girlfriends flash thru my head at lightning speed…

Four people sitting in my Jeep laughing, laughing, under the glow of a streetlamp…

Rolling green mountains of Vermont…

Taylor, Annie, Donavan, Joey and me all passed out sideways…

Kristopher and I riding bikes to pick up an ounce…

I cant control myself…

I roll out of bed already fully dressed grab my keys some cash and I am out into the pre-dawn darkness the cold wind whipping right thru me.  In my car I reach in the glovebox and grab out the amber colored pill bottle and down 30mgs of valium.  Into the darkness I speed away, lost and full of confusion.

My mind is blank.  I feel like writing something.  Lets see what happens.

 
Jimmy is awoken by the bark of a dog.  He opens his eyes and glances toward his wooden blinds its close to evening as the sky is darkened.  He throws on some fleece pants and a fleece hoody and slides into his slippers.  Petting the dog as he exits his room he walks downstairs and grabs a bag of ButterMaid powdered donut Gems, a can of Nestea, and a glass of water.  Thoughts swirl thru his head, mainly bits and pieces of last night dream.  Fragmented images, disregard.  He checks the caller-id, nobody he wishes to speak to or call back.  Back up to his room counting the steps in 3. 

Jimmy pulls out his drug chest and reaches for the Klonapin a few 2mg pill under the tongue followed by 100mg of Hydroxyzine, down the hatch.  Than grabs a vial that contains 1.5 grams of powdered Adderall IR, he throws a line down [3inchs x 1/3 inch] on one of the many books that surrounds him.  Snorts and leans his head off his bed and inhales deeply the sweet taste of amphetamine coats his throat.  Sniffs a few times and thats that.  Now the endless battle should he just take his maintanence Buprenorphine and go about the day or should he get high?  Jimmy rips open a single packaged 1cc rig and reaches for a Visine container which contains about 12mL of Morphine [Roxanol-T].  Jimmy pulls the plunger out of the rig and inserts the tip of the visine container into the back of the barrel, perfect fit.  A couple squirts and he stops at around 70 units.  Just about 20mg of morpine, he reaches for a scarf and ties off up at his shoulder and hits a deep vein in his bicep.  He lets the needle sit as the heavy morphine rush pounds his body.  Oh, sweet nothin’.  It was over quicker than it started.  Its all about the rush with morhine, Jimmy would need at least 100mg to get a comfortable nod he has no big 3cc rigs so he just makes due with the quick and fleeting morphine rush. 

Proping his pillows up and sniffing he feels the speedy amps start to push thru him.  Now, descion time.  Heroin – Fentanyl  in his mind he weighs the pro’s and con’s.  Heroin wins a tinfoil packet is emptied into a ripped of bottom of a pop can Jimmy adds his water and a few drops from the morphine dropper.  This time shoots in a vein inbetween his middle and ring finger.  The rush is strong and he lays back and stares blankly before shutting his eyes.

Wrapped in his comfortor he reaches for the remote for his stereo and powers it up.  Hmmm what to listen to he flips thru a couple Dylan songs and settles on ‘Visions of Johanna’.  Jimmy thinks about his last girlfriend and how good she used to suck dick.  She was a freak, he thinks about the first time his throbing cock was about to explode and she pulls it out licking the head and asks Jimmy to cum all over her face.  He pictures those Doe-like eyes peering up at him and thinks what a good thing he fucked up, par for Jimmy.

He shakes those thoughts from his noggin and looks at the clock, 3:21.  Ahhh shit another fucking boring day he curses to himself.  Images of Katie [the ex] keep reeling thru his head.  Back into the drug chest he pulls out a piece of foil and unwraps a previously used Duragesic Fentanyl patch.  Squeezing a blob of gel onto the foil he grabs his lighter and wraps a piece of paper into a meg-shift tube.  The familiar taste of fentanyl hits his tastebuds, excess smoke slowly swirling around his face.  Soon as he gets the hit in he takes a puff or two of his Albuterol inhaler and holds his breath.  As he blows it out the strong opiate rush pushes him back into his proped up pillows.  Phew…  not in a a hurry but one hell of a rush.

He thinks about masterbating but doubts he could get it up so disregards the thought.  Instead he decides on watering his cacti long distance.  Filling up his needle with water he sprays them from 10 feet away, he gets bored after 5 minutes.  Time to get up he thinks, not before a quick acting benzo [xanax 1mg] is placed under his tongue.  Hungry?  nope  What to do today?  Look for a job?  Go to the bookstore?  Fuck around on the computer and wait a couple hours and than go sip beer in the bar while pumping quarters into the jukebox listening to his favorite tunes?  The latter sounds best.  Such is the morning of Jimmy.

Now, little boy lost, he takes himself so seriously
He brags of his misery, he likes to live dangerously
And when bringing her name up
He speaks of a farewell kiss to me
He’s sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
Muttering small talk at the wall while I’m in the hall
Oh, how can I explain ?
It’s so hard to get on
And these visions of Johanna they kept me up past the dawn.

[I dont like this post but I wont delete it as I do to often]

bl.JPG 

Lounging comfortably in my evening chair, feet propped up against the window I am drawn in to the golden glow of the sunset. It shimmers thru the lifeless tree branches, brighter than Inca gold. Soon after staring for minutes the huge orange orb starts to morph, the lava like glow melts into the background making the tree limbs stand out even more-so. The edges of the light start to have the effect of a prism, shooting out tiny rays that are cast in a delicate rainbow hue.

The sun sets and I lay down on my bed it is so cold tonight I can actually see the heat from my bedroom dance in the air as it collides with the glass window, achieving much the same effects as evaporating gasoline. Staring into the swirling illusion I have a hard time keeping my eyelids open and am soon drawn into the upsidedown dream world.

D-d-d-drifting down, slowly unconscious…

An old lady is seated in an rocking chair with each rock a slight creak is produced, on her lap is a brightly colored blanket woven with shimmering yarn, behind her is a huge elaborate stained glass artwork. The picture is a very good depiction of one of the Stations of the Cross, the colors are bursting with illumination. A worn out Jesus is dragging his death on his back. Designed in sort of a cubist fashion there are no round lines or forms its all rigid and separated, reminding me of a picture Salvador Dali painted of the Crucifiction.

Thoughts form in my head and I am intrigued as to what is casting light thru the work of glass as I think those thoughts, the old lady stops rocking. Her mouth opens and it looks as if she is speaking to me although no sound breaks the silence of the room. Puzzled I tilt my head to one side (much in the same way as a puppy would when spoken to). Instantly I hear her reply in my head as she states: What riddle do you wish to undo?

I tell her I wish to see the light as I motion to the stained glass wall she is sitting in front. Motioning ever so slightly with her aged hand I glide towards her. She greets me and refers to herself as Amory and tells me to take a closer look at the picture. Passing by Amory I notice a slight glow around her body and realize it must be an aura shining thru to my vibration level.

Reaching the stained glass wall I am not sure what exactly I am taking a closer look at. Still intrigued by the light source I cup my hands around my eyes and push them against the wall hoping to be able to see thru to the otherside of the glass. As my hands touch the glass it becomes soluble and my body passes thru it, I am reminded of walking thru a waterfall.

Walking thru I am perplexed as to what I see, I feel as if I am in a room yet there are no walls or boundaries just a white light that seems to encompass everything. Slowly my eyes adjust to the light and I see before me a craft sticking out of the sandy floor/earth/land (?) at a 45 degree angle, plainly obvious the saucer shaped craft is what we would refer to as a ‘UFO’. It appears to have crashed, the brushed bronze metallic shine is rather dull. Deciding a closer inspection is due I start to glide toward it.

B-b-b-b-b-ring R-r-r-r-r-ring…

With a quick jolt the ringing of the telephone brings me back to consciousness as I realize I must have drifted off to sleep. Rubbing my eyes I reach for my phone and answer it.

"Hello?"
"Is Amory available?"
"Who, uh I think you must have the wrong number?"

The line clicks dead with no response and I hang up the phone. Dangling my legs off my bed and stretching I think to myself the person on the phone could have at least said goodbye or thank you and find the fact semi-irritating. My room is now dark and the night sky black, the only light is from the tiny pinpoint stars as they twinkle in the winter night. Gazing out at the stars there arrangement reminds me of Geometry, intersected, bisected, and injected…

Walking downstairs I am suddenly aware as to where I have heard the name Amory.

Lime-green…
Tri-colored bushes
purple-tops, dark green center, lime-green bottoms

Panic attack characteristic… (possible but doubtful)
why is that owl watching me when I am smoking
during a cool autumn night

blip…
dots…
patterns…

My mind swirls with insanity
Shadow people that secretly spy
with what intention

Hail Mary or Mary Jane…?

Lime-green…

avatar700040_1[1].gif 

 [Hope everybody has a good Christmas I probably wont but thats par.  At least I am not strung out and shaking parked in some ramshackle alley poking my arms, Yelling MOTHERFUCKER when I cant hit a vein because they have all have went south for the winter.  Even with the Heat cranked up full blast, I poke and prod at a scared up point of entry to the whirlpool of oblivion.  My stomach turns as I even think of that and how I spent soo many X-mases.  Instead this year I will nod and say yea I like it with each present I open even though most of the gifts will find their way to the bottom of my closet.  This year I am going to get drunk well x-mas eve at least.  I am already sped-up and am itch’n for some home cooking and warm liquor.  My relatives I am going to are from Yugoslavia so alcohol is one of the main points of the feast.  I have some powdered amp already to go all I need to do is take a shower and shave, although I could get awy with out shaving and probably will because a shaky speedy hand always causes my face to get all nicked up.  Ahh god how I wish my life was different, I truly do [I guess thats something I have to change, hrmp.  I am going to see a presentation by Ivan Dragicevic [one of the last survivors from the original batch of ppl that Mother Mary appeared to at Medjugorje, i.e Fatima] http://www.medjugorje.org/medpage.htm [copy and paste if your interested, im dont feel like fucking around with wordpress and its curse against me never letting me post a simple link, argh.  Yes, I believe in all that stuff, think what you will.  Ill cut it short there as I wont bore you with what I hope will happen instead, I will sniff some more amp and pace
house like a ranting madman. Merry Christmas Eve. emoticon]

Ahh fuck it I got time to spare, shitty its raining on the eve of xmas the temperature better drop as my B.A.C increases.  I guess I have nothing much to say.  I decided I am not going to shower.  I’ll be a little lame here as I am reduced to talk about what I am wearing, Calvin Klein Jeans, and a Claiborne silk shrt, its color is an off white and keeps reminding me of dope.  I am gonna fly high, never gonna die.  My nose is clear and not stuffed.  I am running a little low on benzos but I have plenty to make it thru the next couple days.  I dread listening to my sister and her boyfriend babble on about the new house they just bought and this and that bullshit.  My dad I guarentee you will not speak one word to me this whole evening.  I am so sick of that shit we have not been speaking since my mothers day arrest.  God I am gonna start drinking now a warm brandy seems to suit my amphetemine coated throat.  Zip zap gimme fucking that.  Ahh I wish I could just blow of my family but I suppose its nice that I do have a family unit, albiet, completely disfunctional.  I just need to change.  How many times have I said that to myself, millions?  Fuck me fuck you.  I will be happy some day.  God I sound like some teenage emo-goth [whatever they call them] bitching about nothing.  In truth I am a helpless just about 30 year old that has some major malfunctions.  I wont dwell on that or the fact the state first offer included jail time.  Oh man that gets me so fucking rilled up thinking about that.  Maybee thats fate as I will have to detox off my meds and sit in the clink for awhile.  Nope not gonna happen if my stinking money hungry lawyer doesnt get this shit looking better I am going to go down to my main lawyers office and calmly explain that I have spent upwards of 20K to him in the past seven years you better get off your ass and work out a deal for me so I dont have to spend some time in jail as I just dont get it.  Some of these ‘well-off’ counties on the outside of Chicago take heroin so seriously and my record is not good to say the least.  Fuck the courts fuck everry thing.  My mind drifts…

Fruitless searches

broken puzzle pieces

soggy from tears

lost touch with reality disregard my fears

Filler up…?  says the full service gas attendant

You can try but the leak will spill

I see the pathway… to redemption

Stainglass prayers, alter..  my conscious.

Pain. wasted. empty. tired

look to the future, to keep me alive

my artifical shell of my being, shattered

pathways.  what will I choose?

I feel the light is near, but I am pushing it away

like water down the drain.  I can evaporate and not fall victim to the flood

unconventional solutions to time told secrets.

I cant go on like this to much longer

I need support, digging my grave is tiring

when did my concentions get melted and my wiring get crossed

Blinded by narcotica, ‘I told you’

Cover me like butter, leave me in the gutter

You think my pictures in their wallets?

Illuisons never fake their lies

covered in sin, the blackbirds eye me

the face behind the face

Christmas lights blured on the wet pavement

I spit, and curse my life. shuffle my feet and do as they say. 

http://www.weeklydig.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/article.view/issueID/73b07fbb-6d78-4634-9810-b833806c9526/articleID/6dc3b37f-ffa0-4e63-bc08-fd48e8967fa4/nodeID/4b1339d1-be3a-44a2-be8b-1484963a003a

What ever happened to self control…

The after-dinner sun glows warm an orange bright as can be, fixates my thoughts upon the wooden floor.  I loose my self in thoughts of nothing, as I hear "Fixation feeds the fever" I shuffle towards the balcony and grab a refill of beer and my trusty pipe.  Its Halloween here in Santa Barbara and the [speed] freaks will be out to night, I slug my beer back and think to myself, Why did I ever agree to go with Becca to this party, I barely even know her and I am sure I wont know many of her friends let alone like them.

Should I call and say I am sick?  Should I lie or just tell her straight out I really don’t feel like spending the evening out with her or what?

I stare out into the ball of light nicknamed the Sun, this is a beautiful city and a better view, spoiled only by the oil rigs off shore.  I walk in to turn the volume, "Right outside this lazy summer home", its not Summer but so what [it feels like it].  I have no problems, I am drug free [for the most part], and semi-happy, I decide to call my mother.

Hey Mom, whats going on…
*loud barking* The usual kids trick-or-treatin, your sisters down in the city, your Dad and I are being low-key tonight feeding the trick-or-treaters…
Yea I am thinking the same…
Not going to dance with the devils on this the evening of ghosts…
Huh…? (laughter)
Anyways…
You need money?
Not today, just wanted to say high.
Love ya
You too…

I kick my feet up and hang the phone up, and smile.  The one thing I do love is my parents.  Staring into the burning sun with a goofy smile on my face, I am startled by a knock and the door opening.

Liam what the fuck, barge right in… Beers in the fridge.  He takes a seat to my right and shakes my hand.
Whats going on?

Same-o-shit.
Yea.
So you psyched about this chick tonite or what?
Not really, thinking about not going…
Oh fuck, No your not, were party’n tonight…
Ok, twist my arm…

We settle back into a discussion of the ‘old’ neighborhood, football [which I hate, I just talk about it], and girls.  The bottles are starting to pile high around us as the CD stops.  Blind Melon or Stones?  Either or just turn it up loud.

I go to take a shower and take a peek in the medicine cabinet, I always get so damn tweaked around chicks, dont ask me why but 50 mg of Valium cures that.  The shower is steaming and is fogging up the room.  In and out.  Throw on some shorts and out the door for another beer.  I absolutely am not looking forward to getting dressed up for this damn party.

Liam and his girlfriend are going as Bonnie and Clyde and I just feel weird dressing up like someone but Becca did take me out shopping for a costume to wear as I loudly protested.  I settled on an ATF [Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms Bureau] guy with a cool helmet with a green visor.  Mainly so I could take it all of easy and be in street clothes with ease.  We spent most of the time looking in the porn stores.  I lose myself in thoughts of Becca and dildos for a second, and return to the balcony with 2 cold ones.

Liams complaining that he had to spend 125 bucks to rent his and Ambers costume, I remind him that we should not of even dressed up.  I finish half my beer in a swig.

We watch the girls walk up the street from the park, they were probably puffin a joint before coming up here as they are laughing and truly look like they are enjoying themselves and I think to myself, Becca probably will look pretty damn good on her knees.

We hear them laughing all the way up the stairs, glad somebody is in a good mood.  This valium should hit me soon hopefully my mood will lift.  Amber jumps on Liams lap, Becca says "Hello…?", I mumble back with my head in the refrigerator.  Suddenly I get a strange feeling and a voice says, "Dont be a dick to this girl, just because your not in a good mood."  I agree and come out wearing a smile.

Amber starts flipping thru the CDs and Liams still sitting on the deck staring into the sunset pounding beer like nobodies business.  Amber asks how I am doing?  Fine I guess.  Come here I got you something, as I follow her into my room.  This time I am fussing with the CD’s and she says, look at me.  Jeez ok, just picking out a song…

Both hands behind her back, arching her tits in my face she tells me to pick a hand.  That one, wrong, that one, right.  She pulls out a 6-inch california green bud perfectly beautiful almost surpassing her beauty [of course I would never admit that].  Aww, shucks thanks Becca.  Not a problem, I (green) plant the ever deserving kiss on her lips.  The usual ensues but is interrupted shortly by Amber knocking loudly repeating, "Where is the bong, I know its in there".  Making me laugh I break away and partake in the fruits of my labor [stinky, freaky, greenbud haze].  Ahhh…

The girls are awfully talkative as I bet they are bumping glass [meth] tonight, I don’t want any part in that, but I am sure as the night unfolds and the stars shine into some random girls eyes the tune might change.  Lucy In the Sky with Diamonds or Lucy in the Subway with Daffodils, no subway here.  Only BMW’s, convertibles, fake tits, homeless beachcombers, and the likes…

California….Knock, knockin on the golden door
like a angel standing in a shaft of light
rising up to a garden of paradise – GD

Laying on the bed stoned Becca has her legs stretched out on to the nearby bookshelf.  The perfectly formed, just right, tanned legs have grapsed my attention.  Some soft mellow music on in the background barely audible.  The sunbeams are cutting in thru the windows, scattering them randomly around the room.  One beam has cast its bright deep orange rays onto Beccas legs.  The smoke is hazy all through the room and swirls about.  Instantly in my head her legs looked like they should have been framed.  With a nice frame of course maybe very minimal as to draw you into the foot or maybe a more ornate frame that had twists and curls.

Becca – So are you planning on having fun tonite…?
Me – Yea, totally I rear’n to go.
Becca – Good get ready and me and Amber will be back in an hour or so, Ill call.
Me – Sounds good, see ya…

She gets up and leaves and I slowly drift into thinking about how that would have been a perfect pic with Beccas legs the sun, the smoke.  Ahh, I sit back and stare at the thumbtack I have taked up so it shows me directionally which way east is.  It is blocked for a split-second as the fan blades whrill by.  With the fan on the high position it is reminiscent of a flip book movie except its a tack in the wall. (green).

I drift off in awkward off-the-wall-dreams and day-dreams that will be pieced together at a later time.  Awoken to:

"The winter was so hard and cold,
Frost 10 feet beneath the ground,
Please don’t murder me" Skipping, skipping, skipping,skipping

What the fuk, I say as I rub my eyes.  Ahhh thats right Halloween.  Check the clock, have been sleeping 1 hour.

Go out into the family room, Liam is still out on the deck a new kid is here also Troy.  The girls are gone and I feel absolutely great now that this valium is kickin and all that lovely mary-jane.  I actually notice I am smiling.

Grab a beer and walk to the deck and hop a squat next to Liam.  Who is engaged in a conversation with Troy about this guy Liam thinks is loo
king a little to much at Amber.  He tells Troy to telll the kid to knock it off.

Troy is a pothead surfer from the building over lots of family money and killer weed that remind me of ears of corn.  Truly fat green buds.  He is hanging over here alot lately smoking weed, selling, trading, party’n, and of course relaxing.  Good guy, he tolerates my strangeness and I tolerate his.  So we hang out and fuck chicks and do the stuff most ppl do.

You going to the party Troy..?
No

Shitty, when are the girl getting back I speak in Liams direction, soon he says.  Ok I am flying the coup for a bit I am taking my powered skateboard downtown to get a copy of a magazine and chill on the beach and watch the sunset.  Wait till the girls come and than come join me.  Ok thanks, Lock-up

I pull on a pair of shades and light my joint, pull the motor started.  Vavavavaroom and I am off.  Winding down the streets in a figure 8 motion, alternating between big tokes and small tokess off the joint.  Bomb the little hill and fishtail in some sand.  I stop at a bar to hear some local band play and surprisingly they are pretty damn good, mainly just good covers.

I order a $7.50 specialty Ale [not impressed]
Sitting on my table was a vase that was stuffed with about 13 twisted and bent breadsticks that I just had to eat and leave crumbs on the table.

I listened to the band play "Let the Goodtimes Roll", they have the girls up there dancing, shaking it.  I enjoy the moment and almost get up and busted a move on the floor.  Naw…

Evening sun is sinking low, clock on the wall says its time to go, Let the Goood Times Roll"

Out the door and on the skateboard I decide to cruize the bar strip and check out the honeys that are lined up already tring to get into some of these lame clubs.  The chicks are everywhere times two.

Head toward the beach which I am sure will be filled with party people with this beautiful sunset on Halloween eve.  Weaving and speeding, destination the western end of the United States.

Perfect timing, I pop a squat and fiddle around in my pockets looking for the rest of that joint I didn’t finish smoking.  BINGO.  Blazed it up and puff.  With-in a minutes Lady Marijuana must have dome her magic spreading her sweet intoxicating aroma and reeling in a couple fine female specimens.  Wanna smoke?  I ask. Similes and Giggles is the answer.

We sit on a rock stoned, staring into a small part of Mother natures pallette. Choosing to paint vibrant oranges, deep reds, purples, blended into a dark blue.  The stars are starting to peak out.  I cant really make conversation with them so I nod and say I have to go.  They thank me and that be that.

I walk over toward where Liam woulda parked.  Yup hes here.  LIAMM!!!  I yell it warrants a response down beach a hundred yards or so.  Walking over to Liam I smell at least 3 different kinds of maryjuana.

Whats up guys, girls…
I am feeling great…
Woo Hoo party…

We all sit down in a circle and put all our beers in the middle.  Than we just talked, perfect conversations, no lulls, no bullshit, it made me relaxed to say the least.  After the beers be gone, everybody is a lil tipsy.  We hurry back to my place to drink more, smoke more, change, and see what everybody ‘really’ has planned.

Stuffing into Liam’s jeep, we listen to Rolling Stones ‘Monkey Man’ on high volume, letting it pump us up for some serious adventures tonight. – "Im a fleabit peanut monkey, all my friends are junkies"…

Single file up the stairs, Becca is trying to kick Ambers feet out from underneath her which brings upon laughter. Unlock the door and were in…

[finish later]

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