Bad Habit…

It seems like I am so stressed over nothing these days and it is really driving me up a wall.  I am grouchy all the time and it seems like I never have any fun these days.  I kinda forgot what it was like to be happy and have fun.  The last 20 years of my life have been just one long, big, party and now that it has ended I am just by myself.  I usually just rationalize when I start to feel like this and tell myself, Oh it could be sooo much worse I could be locked up in jail, dead, or  brain-dead in a loony bin.  As that was where I was headed without a doubt.  Besides when I think that way I only feel better for a slight moment.

I have absolutely NO CLUE as to what I am doing in life.  I dont even really know why I am in school.  It all seems so contrived and I feel just like your typical sheep, bahh.  I havent applied for a job in phew… god knows how many years.  I surely will die an early death if I am forced into the 9-5 race, I just cant see myself being happy by doing something I dont even know what the fuck I would be doing.  Point is that attitude is a bummer and will probably get me nowhere.  In reality it is the truth.  I have been getting a strong urge to just drop out of society and go live in the mountains.  Than in a relaxing environment I can write and paint at my leisure.  Even that sounds lame at the moment.  I guess I just want to rant about feeling like I am swimming in slo-motion underwater.  Bubble, bubble, bubble.

This morning I woke up and I felt so refreshed and happy but it was just for a fleeting second.  I than realized I was back in my body and laying in my bed.  It could almost feel like I had 2 screws on the side of my head and upon regaining consciousness those screws started to tighten.  Twist, twist, twist.  Stress??? I can feel aching into shoulder blades and I catch myself clenching my teeth before I even eat breakfast [2 mini bagels plain, unbuttered, not toasted].  It seems like the skies have been gray for a month and the streets just seem to continually be washed in those bland, dirty faded watercolor strokes.  I knew this was going to be a long, hard winter.

What really throws me for a loop though is I have never really quite felt like this before, when I was using I NEVER felt like this.  Which leads me to assume that I am still suffering PAWS from ceasing my long term benzo therapy.  I just keep hearing one of my doctors voices echoing in my head…

“You will probably not feel normal for a year or two…”

Arghhh!!!  I just didnt realize that he actually meant it, ha.  I just dont know what to do with myself.  I know things will change sooner than later and I guess I have no choice.  I just want to be worry-less and happy for a change.  Its bad enough that I am worrying about nothing as I dont have anything to worry about but it kind of accurately describes my state of mind.  I have a BIG feeling that bupe depression has a thing or two to do with this.  If all goes as I plan I will be off those in one month.

Sometimes I just want to wave my white flag and give up.  The problem I have with that is what do I do after I give up?  I have been studying for a psychology test all day, my back hurts.  Plus its snowing so I will probably have to get up early tomorrow morning . Oh whoa is me. blah.

I was thinking about a story I could write concerning a spaced out acid kid who transistioned into hard drugs [smack me up] and his life consisted of party’n and living the life.  Traveling all over the country and world, chasing tour buses, smoking the finest herb.  When that life slowed down he really hit the spoon and the foil packets, hard.  In his hazy daze he became intensely intrigued by the paranormal, ufos, spirituality, etc. and always kept a close place in his heart for that kind of bizzness.

One unfortunate day when detoxing from a long benzo habit he slipped in the shower and hit his head from a freak seizure when getting out of the shower.  Over night his dreams became like textbooks instructing him  on lost ways of knowledge.  Kinda like a spiritual savant.  He was having trouble adjusting to the increased intensity of his thoughts and went to get checked out by a local psych. doctor.  The dr. had an inkling something wasnt quite right, or quite wrong [nothing feels right and everything is wrong…  everything is right and nothing feels wrong].  With the doctors urging he went down to Northwestern Memorial hospital in Chicago to get a battery of tests.  [PET, CT, MRI, fMRI, etc.]

Prior to that he developed a friendship with the local psychiatrist who would often invite him over to his suburban hide-away where the doc passed away the time with one of his favorite hobbies, hand carving rocking chairs out of ____ wood.  They developed a repoire, which led to the the doc’s beautiful daughter [hahah] falling head over heels for this kid.

The tests showed uncharted anomalies never seen before.  Nobody was quite sure what to think.  The medical community was turned upside-down.  Everybody wanted tests.  The kid wanted peace and quiet.  After his story started to go from the local papers to the countries top papers and worldwide he became more uncomfortable.  Strange people would turn up on his door step offering him elaborate get-aways if he would just consent to going into the lab for tests for a few weeks.  He wanted nothing to do with it.  Slowly over this time he started to be able to control his thoughts more and the doctors daughter, his new g/f started to transcribe the kids tales as awoke from an unconscious state, ala Edgar Cayce style [the sleeping prophet].  I would have to fill up the story with a good hook here something with paranormal/religion/free energy/ancient knowledge/ufo’s/power of suggestion/ESP/etc. etc.  Eventually the govt. would start to send unmarked cars to try and nab him when he was unsuspecting??  Was this really happening?  Did he somehow fall into a govt. conspiracy? ha.

Soon he ran off to the green mountains of vermont with the girl and _____???  Hippy communes???  a following of devout followers that he wants nothing to do with…???  I  cant really think of anything else at the moment but I think it would make a good book.  A bit to science fiction’y for my taste but I am just bored and the thought pop’d into my head which gave me an excuse to put down my books and take a break from studying.  Time is up back to drab boring psychology terminology.  ARGh.

Peace,

Seedless

 

Starlite… Starbrite… wish upon thee

The night is late, I had a weird night the night before last. I was watching ‘Band of Brothers’ on HBO and suddenly I had a strange preminition that someone was watching me. At that time I shut the TV off and blacked out the room, peering into the wet, foggy, woods I could barely make it out. What ‘it’ was I still am uncertain, I was suddenly stricken with a slight fear, it was late 4:30 am or so and in the woods I can barely make out these lights. Very Strange I thought to myself. What I saw was a bit undescribable even after viewing thru multiple sets of binoculars. What it looked liked was a being only its legs and arms visable up in the trees working out on what looked like a stair master.

I could just see think flouresent tubes of light for the legs and the arms, shining, no blinking in a brilliant color of red green and blue. I was sure I was seeing things, the sky in the forrest had a big area that was whited out that was blocking the star light and the trees, I thought it was an underbelly of a small ship. I warched for a good hour even venturing out into the cold night, when I would get close to the woods it would dissapear but back inside it would pop up again.

Thats the only really way I can describe it it looked like 4 jedi light sabers well, doing the stiar master while blinking and floating in the trees. I finally resigned myself to try to get some sleep, nothing I immersed myself in deep meditation and surrounded myself with white light, I heard a few strange noises outside coming from the top of the roof that were just not normal. I was completely sober, minus my bupe and a few benzos.

I awoke [never really slept] at about 6:30am to venture downstairs and it was still dark with dawn starting to break its grey head open across the horizon. I stared out the window and suddenly was startled by a lone fox [semi rare to my area] tip-toeing across my patio, it froze and stared me down. I than walk into the woods looking for I dont know what. I found nothing just an eiree sense of knowing I was not alone last night.

It wasnt a evil force I felt it was more begnein and puzzling I couldnt really wrap my brain around the energy I felt it wasnt bad but its wasn’t wrapped in golden light either.

Nothing to important just thought I would document it. Than tonight I went for a bike ride to get some chew tobacco since the weather was fairly warm and I needed to let off some steam from some of the medications I was on and on the ride home I witnessed a head-on colision between 2 cars going about 50mph. It was a ghastly site, the jaws of lights, red and blue flashing across the darkened landscape, newspaper photo-journalists running to the scene. Both men were alive when they took them out on stretchers but they didnt look good. I said a few prayers for them and headed home. Strange Days…

Strange days have found us
Strange days have tracked us down
Theyre going to destroy
Our casual joys
We shall go on playing
Or find a new town

Strange eyes fill strange rooms
Voices will signal their tired end
The hostess is grinning
Her guests sleep from sinning
Hear me talk of sin
And you know this is it

Strange days have found us
And through their strange hours
We linger alone
Bodies confused
Memories misused
As we run from the day
To a strange night of stone

Its late tonight as I type this and I best be returning to bed the last couple days have been a bit strange with my dreams, I chalk that up up to a different stone I have been using during my meditations right before sleep. Purple Flourite it woke some thing up what that is I might never know… Sure some of you [if not all of you] might think I am nuts but I assure you I am as sane as a straight line slightly askew.

[I am tired I am not bothering with spelling rechecks, maybee tomorrow]

Peace on Earth,

Seedless

Wooden ships on the water, very free and easy,
Easy, you know the way it’s supposed to be,
Silver people on the shoreline, let us be,
Talkin’ ’bout very free and easy…
Horror grips us as we watch you die,
All we can do is echo your anguished cries,
Stare as all human feelings die,
We are leaving – you don’t need us.
And it’s a fair wind, blowin’ warm,
Out of the south over my shoulder,
Guess I’ll set a course and go…

 

Doctors Notes: Sicker than you thunk you think… :)

POST-DATED: AUGUST 16th

Carve your name
Carve your name in ice and wind
Search for where
Search for where the rivers end
Or where the rivers start
Do everything that’s in you
That you feel to be your part
But never give your love, my friend,
Unto a foolish heart

Leap from ledges
Leap from ledges high and wild
Learn to speak
Speak with wisdom like a child
Directly from the heart
Crown yourself the king of clowns
Or stand way back apart
But never give your love, my friend
Unto a foolish heart

Shun a friend
Shun a brother and a friend
Never look
Never look around the bend
Or check a weatherchart
Sign the Mona Lisa
With a spraycan, call it art
But never give your love, my friend
Unto a foolish heart

A foolish heart will call on you
To toss your dreams away
Then turn around and blame you
For the way you went astray
A foolish heart will cost you sleep
And often make you curse
A selfish heart is trouble
But a foolish heart is worse

Bite the hand
Bite the hand that bakes your bread
Dare to leap
Where the angels fear to tread
Till you are torn apart
Stoke the fires of paradise
With coals from Hell to start
But never give your love, my friend
Unto a foolish heart

Unto a foolish heart….
______________________________________________________________
A Night and a Morning of Jimmy, my good old buddy pal on a LATE bike ride, his brain splattered in the frying pan, montage and dilapidated.  His thoughts brodcast to you via, digital/analog phone lines, coaxial cable, or fiber optic hook-ups’.

[Next time Jimmy will document it with his digital camera and maybe some MP3 sound loops I save from my sound recorder or insert some music using the MP3 plug-in, this journal of mine needs to be more interactive…]

FADE IN:

Jimmy is coasting down the dirt trail trail, no handed.  Arms extended wind flapping thru his green, random, hooded pull-over.  New Balance 808’s tied on tight, his NorthFace pants are rolled up to let the summer breeze blowin and to keep from getting caught in his chain. Some random Neil Young tune is sliding thru the wires on his MP3 player and through his earphones exploding into sound as electornics touch skin, trying to forget.  He is comptiplating a stupid descion not to have ‘so-and-so’ as his girl friend and if she is even up to the task as being a known drug user and liar are the exact opposite characteristics Jimbo wants outta a relationship.  Jimmy is so0O0o stoopid, treating a girl he cares for deeply [which is VERY rare] like the crazy person Jimbo is.  Par for the course for him or.  Run, Run, Run, Run-a-way from my phosphorescent green light pen [some pharmacuetical pen that has an awfully cool light so you can right at night, its ‘Zyrtec’ but does it matters it writes in the dark] thats shades my emotions in a muted green haze. Enough about Jimmy, lets talk about the planet Earth. My ramblings are not yours to read Mr. Police man, who ever you be. I hear you yelling at me from the roadside, leave me be.

Test me, with your blu-ray dual layered mind warp, I wont even get into a Phase II Blu-Ray warp with you my friend, my only friend. Now if were talking about Mr. Abstract art on the wall and Dortorate degree’s plastered up the wall and onto the ceiling so that when I am laying back staring at that dot on the ceiling thinking about how I fucked some bitch the night before while he analizes my social phobia and which angle of attack we should try: Anti-Depressants, Uh NO.  Benzodiazapines, gabapentin, and amphetamine salts, and a psychotropic agent, risperidone to help control sleep and weight gain.  Errr…  Stop, Drop, and Roll, rustling in the bushes.  My back is open from behind, I feel as if strangers are lurking in the darkness in the brush.  I trust my gut and leave as I am not dealing with bacon tonight.

[I’ll be back, 2:11 am]
Relocated

I am back sorry for the interuption in this lunar broadcast, I was getting some FUZZ in my signals and voices echoing at me from the shaded tree line. It was all under control in my land of illuminated journal on a nite bike ride under the crescent moon, halo’d in a hazy summers rainbow mist. I was just got back from a now ‘Forest Preserve’ but once land on the private where the maryjane plants grew 12 feet tall, stalks that needed an axe to chop down. Ya’ know Ya Wheelers, ha, PJ’s grandma did leave a nice, mighty, huge oak tree that just loved to play hide and sneak with it’s branches and the tip of the moon. Everchanging it is, just a Jimmy is, and just as the pavement under my feet swirls. Constant motion, I know a little something you will never know, dont touch that hard liquor. Can you tell the way the Queen of diamonds lays just by the way she shines. Big guess on what music Jimmy is listening to? Dirty hands, greased up jeans and sweat dribbling down his face as he lets the riverbugs become attracted to my illuminati light saber pen. I am at mid-river, come to daddy on an inside Straight, I got no chance of losing this time? I am raised about 30 feet from the center of the river that swims and sways underneath my feet the carp and catfish the size of your momma, nibbling at the riverbugs as they take as rest just as I am on the precious river banks, Their prowness abandone on me there likelyhood though of dying tonight is thrice that of mine. I cant stop writting-need-a-break…

[2:53 am]
Will be back stay tuned for my fun filled night…  I need to move closer to the water, waterfalls over my shoulder.

The water fall is roaring like a beast tonight, I edge towards the sides where the water cascades down a 45 degree angled, boulder filled path.  There are such cold spots and than such warm mist pockets, like a 21 yr olds pussy oiled up with estrogen and progesterone, bare boned Hormones.  The riverfall must be releasing some of its heat and energy.  Energy that used to be harnessed instead of letting Mother-Nature go to waste. Those times were different though. I can see the intake valves from my vantage point on the old Hotel that used to harrness the power of the earth.  Water rushing down used to power a massive turbine, producing the electricity for the town in its early days. Shake it Sugaree in fact I believe they have a glass floor so you can see what once was, what once was… Wet in a warm dew I am loving it. Oh spoke too soon, caught a cold pocket of air. 

Hard to turn those heavy arms of the time keeper back, aka Old Man Time.  Standing tall in his plush, red, layered robe.  His three foot long flowing white beard is a striking feature.  His staff carved out of a washed up Mammoth tusk on the shore of Alaska interwoven and carved with the Tlingit art of a supreme caliber. I can see him out of the corner of my eye radiating his golden aura, Time, pffft… Let me gaze into your smokey phantom quartz crystal that is encrusted in your staff caught in a prismatic inclusion I sit back and view myself, viewing myself thru the looking glass, upside down and round and round, lazy lighting to let me get loose, lost or found.  Thru the vibraphone canvassing my eardrums & the roar of the waterfull I just lost my train of thought. Ugh, Stay tuned, go get your snacks cause joo know you be cummin back. erk, timeout, sniff…

[3:43am]
Just had to pause to crack and A$W rootbeer. 

Reached for the secretes to soon, worn out oak floors [plank floor-boards, rustiK, 6-inches thick] shit is what I am talking about river bugs on the run, just speak to me, Breathe, on the run, Time [does he have to materialize again?], I guess so in the Great Gig in the Sky.  Oh yeah remembered where I lost my train of thought before…  Hold it now, Hit it.  Beastie Boys throwing-up puking off the dope the used to be doingoff the back of toliets in some humid club.  Dope’d up and PCP’d out, TRUE party kids.  One of my [friends, if you can call him that now, you know who you are!] his Mom used to baby sit Mike D or ADROCK when they were about 8 yrs old so in Mass. If I recall, but that is completely and utterly irrelevant, as my point is diminished, as it shreads thru my skin hoping to hit a vein on its first poke. 

Somewhere in the tumbling waterfall ruckus I hear rasps from under the water.  You are insane…  Who said that?  Was it you Brain Damage, Sorrow, Take me any colour you like [I prefer a muted green with a blueish glow] did I have high hopes, what do you want from me.  My wings are bandaged but still am able to fly.  Into the distance my senses real 😉 A fatal attraction is holding me fast, How can I escape this irresistible grasp.  Can’t keep my eyes from the circling skies.  Tongue-tied and twisted.  Just an earth-bound misfit, I… have everything I could ever want yet I am still so unhappy, why?  The purple hued stars aren’t answering me tonight.  Maybee you can?  Help me realize how normal YOU are compared to my vapor trail of existance.  Why am I such a wreck?  I am clean, for the most part, yeah, yeah, meds for this, a med for that, a pill for this, a piece of paper for that, a tiskit, a taskit.  Cant have whats in my basket.

A multi-eyed alien being, tentacles feeling, smelling?  Is staring up at me through the coating that divides his atmosphere from mine, liquid.  I do have gills you know, betcha didnt know that? 🙂  Through our power of imagination we were able to speak.  Mumbo Jumbo, poor me, fuck you, fuck me, you dont have a god damn clue.  I destroy anything positive I see on the distance horizon with a patter of my eyelids.  My Black-Diamond splunker light [should put in a hyperlink to show the light] catches the warm spray backs of light into a wonderfus display of artificial HID lighting, shafts of light spliting the late nite sky into prismatic water dropplets dancing to the beat of Radio One.  Coming up to plate with Mother nature.  3-D’riffic and I dont need no stikin Active-X plug-in for that, so there, ha.  Hey you, me?  Yes you, Yes?  Can you tell me why Humpty Dumpty’s Army cant put me back together.  I am fragile as an egg with its yolk drained out, organic laid egg be it, but still would shatter Jimmy.  So disgusted with himself he has not a thing to look for but upward.  The swirling stars.  The way back home?  Such a long, long, long way to go home.  That little diamond behind Orions belt, I can slip that belt outta his grasp and whip the starts etes till they start to bleed down on me in the prismastic meteor shower show.  Mainly because I am the Master, master, master of the Universe [if you dont get that, shame on you].  Just like Jim whipped the Horses eyes it is eye who whips the Milky-way.

Rain down upon me you interdimensional time traveling elfes.  you think I dont know about you, dmtwhat? [key in:] HEAVY GUITAR RIFF… ‘YA GOT ANOTHER THING COMMING’.  A rat just came speed running along side of the river side, throwing up 3-4 foot Carp or Catphish, not a phisher man I be but that was fuct up.  Rats abound…

Bam, spastic, tactile engine
heaving, crackle, slinky, dormy, roofy, wham
I’ll have them, fried bloke
broken jardy, cardy, smoocho, moocho, paki, pufftle
sploshette moxy, very smelly,
cable, gable, splintra, channel
top the seam he’s taken off

Rats, rats lay down flat
we don’t need you, we act like that
and if you think you’re un-loved
then we know about that…
rats, rats, lay down flat!
yes, yes, yes, yes, lay down flat! 

[Got it? Get it? you should…]

These alien fish are lured to my light show I could literally grasp into the water and grab a fish the size of my thigh, if I could hold its thrashing [much like a junky on the kick, who can hold them back, not I].  So strange we dont need thought control, or education for that matter, mad hatter laughs HAHA.  There scales [.30mg intranasal] are iridescent and would make a could guitar pick for a souther man, down on the farm plucking some souther twang-ang-ang down on the FARM.  So alien it instills a feeling of being scared in me about as much as my incounter with other life forms, these didnt have purple fins and when I power my thoughts for them- oh gosh absolutely beautiful mothernature in her splended earthborne treats but yet ye who battless with the stars are out for something so beautiful I cant even put it into words [and I am talking quite a bit tonight] nor can the greatest painter.

Monster beast from the deep.  What is it you are thinking right now can I put my thoughts in your huge head.  Please I hate to do it but I’ll lay my scattered and rat clawed thoughts for you to take down stream.  Maybee some one will catch you and eat you fried, and my problems will be theres, I hope not.  Go now make your way into the sea weeds, smoke u, joo got um.  Be gone my fair fishfor its just my simple emotions you carry on your back, no doubt I watch you sink beneth the surface.  Lotta weight eh’ hehe :).

[4:30 am’ish???]
Another commercial break, hey deal with it or hit that X button in the upper right corner or left corner if on a OS-X system, depending.  I am off from the river heading to the deep woods, no city lights arrayed on a Tri-Gem explosion of colors on the waterfall.  Ill be back gas station break, M’n’M’s, Chocalate milk yum, stay tuned

I am back and hidden under a hood.  Dreadhead kids whisper ‘KGB’s’, ‘KGB’s’ out of the cracked shaddowed doorframes… KGB’s no secret service here get with the program Killer Green Buds.  psssst.  If a rainbow was a rollercoaster, oh would you go upside down with me?  Got distracted for the perfect sunrise on my mission for the stars.  Old man Time musta knocked his staff 3 times and said daylight break upon thee.  I can see hieroglyphics carved into the moon, what they say probably was encoded on that HUGE trail of that shooting star that I just spied [after signaling the stars with my Black-Diamond splunkers light].  You’d be sursprised who returns your morse-code, airplanes in the night sky usually as the circle HIGH in the SKY for there rotation back to Ohare.  Sometimes I will get the pick air lines to tip there wings for me of flash some random lights or the best is when they rev there jet engines up right when there over head letting you know they spotted your light blicking code.  There are other thigs that pick up on my light blicking too, what those are I am yet to know FOR SURE.

What lays before me I take so for granted.  I have a view of 20 acres of a fog filled, wildflower, valley, bordered on all sides by a ancient tree line.  The mist is swiriling.  Can you see what I see, can you cut behind the mysteries?  Yeah my life is a wreck, my head is not even screwed on but hey life aint so bad…  Still waiting for the sun to creast the horizon.  Who else is going to bring me a broken arrow [found an arrowhead the otherday BTW]  Woo Hoo on me.  My life could be so much worse and I am bitching and moaning, that I cant get my life together, I want to get off certain medications, I want to find an honest girlfriend that doesnt use drugs, I want my life, my phones are tapped and my [old] best friends are in jail on Drug Induced Homicide [D.I.M (carries – 6-30 years )] and if found guilty of the “special circumstances” that the States’s Attorney is attaching to the Involuntary Manslaughter [carries 3-8 years I believe, probably more] both could see an additional 10 years, but if convicted of the D.I.H. the manslaughter charge really wont matter much…  Sucks to be them but I hate to say ‘I told you so…’  Nick-Nack-Patty-Wack-Give-the-Fuckers-A-bone.  You play the game you suffer the consiquences, even if those are some fuct up charges and the ‘special circumstances’ charge is bullshit, stemming from an 2001 girls OD and death on PMA a Mother pushed and pushed and got some bullshit new law on the books, BULLSHIT.  God bless them though, I hope one doesnt take his life…

Time for some prayers and meditation, excuse me.  Commercial break.

[6:31 am]
I am back…  The firey ball of heat warms my dew covered body, I am soaking wet, I could careless.  The sun was playing tricks with me on its rise.  Staring down the big fat ‘ol sun I was getting back falsh images on the sun, kinda funny.  The sun took on the ‘Steal Your Face’ logo blueprinted by none other than thee Grateful Dead.  Warm sun does wonders for your mind.  Still crazy though ; )

FADE OUT: Jimmy lays in his bed sun shafts of lights slip sliding thru his blinds, his feather down comforter, feels just that comforting.  He lays in bed examining a crystal as the light strikes it in a rainbow fashion.  Eyelids become droopy most likely from the sleeping medication he took, he begins to recite the rosary as his brain waves slow and his mind traverses into the realm of the unconscious.  Hop-scotching thru the dimensions available to him in his mind he finds a nice resting place in a couch of clouds and presses play on the movie of his mind.  Deja who?

All the years combine
they melt into a dream
A broken angel sings
from a guitar
In the end there’s just a song
comes crying like the wind
through all the broken dreams
and vanished years

Stella Blue

When all the cards are down
There’s nothing left to see
There’s just the pavement left
and broken dreams
In the End there’s still that song
Comes crying like the wind
Down every lone street
That’s ever been

Stella Blue
Stella Blue                                     
Stella Blue

Post Script:  I ended up text messing [I wish I still had the text as I would post them for MY memories] my g/f [at the time] after the sun rise and fixed things up, apologized and probably got lied to and everything went back to ‘normal’ for a bit till I got sick off lies again, I am sure I tried to break it off one other time before I FINALLY and I broke it off for good as off Thursday the Sept. 16, I think.

 

Cacti, Cactus, Pointy things, Fun in the Sun…

                               

 

Green flesh, some say ‘Flesh OF The Gods’.  I like to think of open cellular structure that bursts with growth under the hot summer sun soaking into their clump of think hardy roots a tasty treat of some stinky fish emulsion.  Traveling up into the wooden core the organic lunch diffuse into the green columnar growth soaking into the pores of natures beauty.  The Keeper of the Keys to Heaven, succulent-sucka-tasha.  Their frosty blue tones of their buddies P. Torches. light the path of darkness with a diffused glow make me dream of cacti-on-the-cob [cannabutter please, hold the salt].  A midsummers evening with a purple fading to dark blue sunset as behind the clouds sun beams [God Rays] stream thru the bulbous, rolling clouds shimmering into the atmosphere in one of those ‘God, it cant get much better than this’ moments. Laying on the side of a grassy knoll Jimmy’s sight takes on the likes of wearing stain glass contacts, the rich breathing glass in brilliant shades spark thoughts of the art projects as one after another fly thru his enlightened cerebral cortex, images of crystal wands framing together a wide range of colored and textured glass, sealed together with pure copper wire.

Jimmy did once create in his youthful spiritual focused early teenage years as strange contraption he saw when awakening from a dream.  He had three bowling ball size quartz crystal that he laid them out in a equilateral triangle fashion close to 300 yards between each vertice of the angle.  Than he dug a foot or two in the ground attaching a 3/8 inch copper wire wound around each clump of quartz, and continued to lay the copperwire under ground about a spade shovel’s length [8 inch or so].  Taking much time to perfect absolute correct angles as best as possible the dream contraption laid underground with the center point being Jimmy’s bedroom.  Those were the days when Jimmy was MUCH more in touch with the Way of the Light and experienced some mind blowing deep meditations while leaving his body but still connected to his body by the golden umbilical cord.  The land of the mind, traversing or even believing in that world is quite the problem with the world today.  It was a time of strange lights in the sky. [think Jimmy’s crazy yet, ha?]
 

This quote is from someone who had been injected with .2 gm of the sulfate of
mescaline under the care of physicians:
[kinda crazy eh’ – those damn clear-the-cob-webs-out day for that guy]

A steel veil the meshes of which are constantly changing in size and form…beads in different colors…red, brownish, and violet threads running together in center…gold rain falling vertically… regular and irregular forms in iridescent colors resembling shells and sea urchins… transparent oriental rugs, but infinitely small…wallpaper designs…countless rugs with such magnificent hues and such singular brilliancy that I cannot even imagine them now…cobweb like figures or concentric circles and squares…the pyramid of the tower of a Gothic dome… architectural forms, buttresses, rosettes, leafwork, fretwork, and circular patterns…modern cubistic patterns…gammadia forms from the points of which radiate innumerable lines in the forms of screws and spirals, in flashes and calm curves, a kaleidoscopic play of ornaments, patterns, crystals and prisms which creates the impression of a never-ending uniformity…hexagonal small honeycombs hung down from the ceiling…incessant play of filigreed colors… in the face of ‘Dr. B’ I saw a lattice of yellow-greenish horizontal stripes changing into a lattice work which soon took the place of his own being than the doctors than the room, all was one and all is one. 

A sliver in the theory of a universal conscious, yet a sliver that shines as bright as a large piece of Mica in the noon days sun.  The dreams that have not awoken to some will hopefully do so in do time as Jimmy is a firm believer in Fate and the blueprint of his life is laid out in a optical illusion with so many different roads that will eventually led him to the same place.  Eternal Life of the soul, yeah he might have some training to do in the classrooms of Heaven but thats all part of life dude.  Close your mind to it if you wish but missing out on eternal self knowledge for champaign wishes and caviar dreams is your choice and yours alone.  So let those mind forceps of natural plants, herbs, cacti, roots, barks, and earth elements who’s use can be dated back to 2200 B.C. to bring on altered states.  Care for a magic carpet ride on the mind induced visuals of ancient oriental rug designs prismatic rainbow lighting bugs swirling thru your mind like a picture taken with a camera taken with the shutter left open for an extended period of time.  Words are just lines formed into symbols that have definitions, what if that alphabet was three dimensional and were orbiting with liquified air, ripple’n thru…

There is a road, no simple highway,
Between the dawn and the dark of night,
And if you go no one may follow,
That path is for your steps alone…

[Lame I know, rip me up with your comments concerning I have nothing better to do, kinda makes me laugh]

Seedless 🙂

Cactus San Pedro Peruvian Torch Trichocereus

 

Salvia Divinorum – Landscape 1.0

greenswirl

• Dimly lit room
• low-key ambient/electronic/chill-out music [The Orb]
• a nice wooden tobacco pipe [think 1950’s styling]
• Salvia [x5 extract]
• blue flame jet lighter [complete with breasts that light-up]
• Myself
• Smoke, poured out my ears
• perpetuating a fear
• I couldnt put a physical finger on it
• a mental thought form, so real in its design
• I feel like I am sideways, dizzy.
• slink to the bed, turn the music up a notch
• Image of tropical fish [tri-blue colored]
• Turns into a photomosaic structure, thousand upon thousands

I was stretching away from the image, like my mind was being pulled away but a visual aspect of reality had its fingerprint in my present reality image-bank, it was as if I was stretching reality in an elastic sense. I was trying to figure out what exactly was chemically happening to my body, how I felt, etc.

When distration struck me…

Next thing I know I was scanning a bookshelf with a finger I thought to be my own, projection-wise. The finger was controlled by another force as I tried to mentally challenge its motion, to no avail. It zipped along thousands of books and pulled down a book. Before me was what I thought was a book of my life, I flipped thru a few pages and indeed it was my life printed out. Complete with pictures and hyperlinks in the text which brought me to certain arena’s of my life, although vague in depiction.

Than I looked at the ‘Table of Contents’ [which I cant recall]. It was complete and looked as if my life was lived and cataloged. I had trouble getting into any chapters that were in the bottom third of the ‘Titles’. There was a controversy in my head as to a naming of one chapter probably around chapters 3-7 somewhere around there. It was strange as it seemed like I was arguing with an unknown force or entity? I tried to focus on the ending chapters and the last pages of the book but it was like I was fighting something/one in trying to do so. All the writing in the book was in red, when I would highlight it, put my finger over it the color would change to a deep red.
I was left with a strange body buzz for about a 1/2 hour
[A follow-up concerning seeing red in dreams didnt produce anything significant.]

salvia
seedless salvia
seedless salvia divinorum
junkylife salvia