Well its been awhile since I wrote on here.
Things are going good, I guess. Still clean off opiates and benzos for about year and four months. It feels so good not to have to be dependant on something. The main thing I keep asking myself is why did I wait so long? Who knows. Not me. Well its summer, I havent been doing much at all. Not working, have had a g/f for awhile, waiting to register for classes. Which is another story onto itself that I wont get into right now.
I have been drinking a little and smoking. The girl is a good girl, kinda the straight arrow type. She knows about all the drug use but didn’t question me too hard. I just really emphasized ‘pill addiction’ and ‘opiate addiction’ and I never brought up heroin or needles. That is a bit to much. I did say if I told her everything she probably wouldn’t want to be with me anymore. So she doesn’t ask. I don’t know about the relationship though. Shes beautiful and great but I don’t know. I am totally holding back.
No urges cravings to use heroin. I still have drug dreams [mainly iv coke/heroin] quite frequently but I am used to that. I stopped going to NA meetings maybe 5 months ago. I just felt like I was repeating myself and I kept hearing a voice in my head tell me if I keep going to these meetings and emmersing yourself in a sick environment your going to stay sick. Not a real voice mind you but just knowing. Most of those people claim they are getting better but I just saw alot of ppl complaining and sick. It definitely helped out in the begining though.
I could ramble on forever I am sure but I am tired and need some rest.
