Well I haven’t written an entry in here for a while.  Mine-as-well…

I am still clean from opiates and benzos, thank god.  Things are starting to get better albeit not as fast as I would really like them to.  I think I focus on the negatives too much, not negatives per say but just acclimating to a lifestyle w/ out drugs.  I am kicking myself for not taking any summer courses which I knew I would be but that is my slacker mentality.  Things/life is actually pretty good, I have $ in my pocket, a nice car to drive, a great place to lay my head, girls to call [if I felt like it, I do but I will get to that later], and a beer to my left.  The best thing though is that I don’t wake up with that urge to use.  No more sketched out mornings/afternoons/evenings/nights and also no more blissed out, nodded out summer afternoons laying in the shade.  Truthfully I really don’t miss that, ok a little but it will not be happening.

I do feel like I am getting a little bit of life back into me and trying to enjoy the simpler things in life, the way the air smells when the sun is setting with the hazy glow around the moon.  It’s not like I didn’t enjoy those things before quite the contrary but it does make me thankful I am not strung out or a slave to the prescription bottle.  I hung out with a couple of girls this weekend, a great time.  Quite interesting.  I lied about my age to them though and it is kinda bothering me now.  Why?  Probably because I am thinking about calling one of them up sometime this week.  I am sure they bumped their age up a little bit and I bumped mine down a little bit.  Still I am roughly about 10 years older.  I am just not a fan of lying.  Whatever I worry about things too much, whatever happens will happen all I have to do is pick up the phone and all will be well.

It has been fucking hot this past week [90 degree hot] and I am reminded on how I don’t like muggy hot weather.  I am thinking about going on some white-water rafting camp out next weekend I guess I will see if I am up for it.  It seems like I immediately veto anything these days and then I wonder why I am bored.  I was never like this when I was using, not even close.  Listening to the Grateful Dead, ‘What’ll You Raise’ love this song.  I suppose all I have is this moment in time and I have to stop waiting for things to come to me.  Instead take an initiative and make things happen or at the very least go with the flow and engage in the activities presented to me.

Is it wrong that I am drinking beer before a NA meeting?  Nope…

Peace.

Seedless

Who am I talking to it’s just myself
I talk to the wall when I talk with someone else
Only a few that I met really knew
Why so many good things had so much abuse

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